No one tells you often enough before you leave, and that’s a shame: loneliness is one of the hardest trials of expatriation. Not the paperwork, not the language, not the time zone. Loneliness.

And it’s not a matter of extroversion or shyness. I’ve seen very sociable, very outgoing people go through a period of intense social desert in the first months. Because friends, your network, the high school crew, the colleagues you lunch with… all of that was built over years, sometimes decades. You don’t recreate it overnight.

Understanding the “three-month rule”

There’s an informal heuristic among experienced expatriates: the three-month rule. The first three months, everything is new, exciting, stimulating — you’re in extended tourist mode. Around the fourth month, reality sets in. The excitement fades. The local social network doesn’t exist yet. Friends back home are busy with their lives. And you find yourself alone on a Saturday night eating pasta in front of Netflix.

That moment is normal. It happens to almost everyone. It passes. But you need to go through it knowing it’s temporary and actively working to shorten it.

Strategies that actually work

Coworking spaces: your default first network

If you work remotely or freelance, coworking is your best social weapon in the first months. Not because you’ll find your best friends there, but because it provides something essential: regular human presence and organic contact.

A well-chosen coworking space (with common areas, events, an active community) creates those daily micro-interactions that anchor social life. A conversation at the coffee machine, an impromptu lunch, a drink after closing time. From these small occasions, lasting friendships sometimes emerge.

In Lisbon, spaces like Second Home or Heden are breeding grounds for expatriates. In Bali, the coworking spaces of Canggu are as much social hubs as workplaces. In Bangkok, options are plentiful in the Silom or Ari neighborhoods.

Meetups and expat events

Meetup.com remains one of the most effective tools for meeting people in a new city, particularly groups for French speakers abroad, entrepreneur or digital nomad groups, and activity groups (hiking, cooking, sports).

Internations is another platform dedicated to expatriates, with organized events in dozens of cities worldwide. The format can be a bit formal, but it’s an excellent first filter for finding people in the same situation.

The golden rule: go to events, even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it. It’s often on those nights when you drag yourself out that you make the best connections.

Local activities: the slow but solid path

Coworking spaces and expat meetups give you a quick network. But the real lasting friendships — the ones you keep five years later — often come from regular activities practiced with the same people.

A surf course in Bali. A running club in Lisbon. A tennis team in Dubai. A Thai cooking class in Chiang Mai. These settings create something we underestimate: repetition. And it’s repetition that creates bonds.

Don’t choose an activity you’ll do once. Choose something you do every week, in the same place, with the same people. That’s what creates familiarity, and from familiarity, friendship is born.

Language exchanges

If you live in a non-English-speaking country, language exchanges are doubly useful: you improve in the local language, and you meet locals motivated by cross-cultural curiosity — often the most open to foreigners.

Apps like Tandem or Speaky help you find language exchange partners. But the best option remains joining in-person exchange groups, which exist in most major cities around the world.

Online expat communities

Don’t underestimate the value of online communities, especially in the early days. Facebook groups like “Expats in [city]” or “English speakers in Portugal / Thailand / the UAE” are often very active and welcoming to newcomers.

These communities also serve as collective memory: practical advice (where to find a certain product, which doctor speaks English, which neighborhood to avoid), but also invitations to informal gatherings and events.

Cities that make expat social life easier

Not all destinations are equal when it comes to expat sociability. Some cities have developed a particularly welcoming ecosystem for newcomers:

Lisbon is probably the city in Europe that has best succeeded in creating an active and welcoming expat community. The Portuguese are naturally open, the city is on a human scale, and the density of expat events is remarkable. Our complete guide on moving to Portugal will give you all the keys to settling in under the best conditions.

Bali (and particularly Canggu and Ubud) is a social machine for nomads and freelancers. The international community is dense, the pace of life encourages encounters, and events are constant. The risk: staying in an expat bubble without ever really meeting Balinese people.

Bangkok has a very active international and English-speaking community. Networks like the Franco-Thai Chamber of Commerce regularly organize events. The city is large, but expat neighborhoods create villages within the city. To learn more, check out our guide on moving to Thailand.

What you need to accept

Social reconstruction takes time. Six months minimum to have a functional social circle. A year to have real friendships. And some of your closest relationships back home will take years to transform into solid “long-distance friendships” — and others won’t survive the distance.

That’s not a reason not to leave. It’s a reality to anticipate, to name, and to actively work through. Expat loneliness is not inevitable — it’s a project. And like all projects, it pays off if you truly commit to it.