Expatriating alone is difficult. Expatriating as a couple is a completely different adventure, with its own challenges, its own friction points, and its own blind spots that you will not see coming if you do not talk about them before leaving.

I have observed dozens of expatriate couples. Some experienced expatriation as the catalyst for their relationship. Others experienced it as the revelation of cracks that already existed. In both cases, the differentiating factor was not the destination, nor the income, nor even the language. It was the quality of the conversations held before departure.

Here are the 5 topics you need to have addressed (truly addressed, not glossed over) before buying the tickets.

1. Money: Who Pays for What, How, and What if That Changes

Money is the topic couples avoid the longest, and the one that creates the most tension upon arrival.

The concrete questions to settle:

  • Do you have a joint account or separate accounts? If you do not have one in France, will you open one abroad?
  • What happens if one of you earns significantly less during the settling-in phase? Does the other pay the rent alone? At what internal exchange rate?
  • If one gives up a stable income (permanent contract, freelance clients) to follow the other, how do you compensate for this economic loss in the household budget?

A common scenario: Julie follows Mathieu to Portugal because Mathieu landed a contract. Julie was a freelance graphic designer in France with a well-established client base. In Lisbon, she starts from scratch. For the first six months, she earns little. Mathieu pays for almost everything. Tension rises, not because of ill will, but because neither of them had discussed the financial model for this transition phase.

The conversation to have: “How do we function financially for the first 12 months? What are our limits? At what point do we reconsider?“

2. Careers: Who Follows, Who Leads, and Whether That Is Acceptable

This is the most sensitive question in dual-income couples, and also the one most often dodged.

In a couple, there is often a “driving” career (the one that makes expatriation possible or desirable) and a “portable” career (the one that can be rebuilt abroad). But this asymmetry is rarely named clearly, and the one who is “carried” often ends up accumulating resentment.

Questions to ask beforehand:

  • Do both people want to leave, or is one following the other?
  • Does the one who “follows” have a professional project abroad? Or are they abandoning their career with no Plan B?
  • If both work remotely, who handles the logistical constraints? (time zones, children, administrative procedures)
  • Is there a maximum accepted duration for one of you to not work or to work under difficult conditions?

Another scenario: Thomas and Camille move to Dubai. Thomas works for an international company, an expat position with a package. Camille is a teacher: her French degree is recognized, but positions in French schools abroad are rare. She spends a year searching, strings together substitute positions, gets bored and feels useless. Dubai is not the problem; the issue is that the conversation about “and what will you do there?” had not been seriously held.

3. Housing: Your Expectations May Not Be the Same

One wants a city-center apartment to be at the heart of local life. The other wants a house with a garden and a home office. One is willing to live in 40 square meters if it is well located. The other needs space to feel at home.

These differences exist in France, but you have resolved them over time, through habit and gradual compromise. Abroad, in an unfamiliar real estate market, under the pressure of finding a first home quickly, they can explode.

The conversation to have:

  • What is our housing budget, and is this a real agreement or an approximation?
  • What are each person’s non-negotiable criteria (neighborhood, size, amenities)?
  • Do we take temporary housing for the first few months, or do we look directly for the “permanent” home?
  • How do we make the decision if we disagree on an apartment?

Practical advice: start with short-term housing (1 to 3 months) while you visit neighborhoods and understand the local market. For popular destinations like Portugal or the United Arab Emirates, the market can be tight, and it is better not to sign in a rush.

4. Social Life: When One Already Has Friends and the Other Does Not

This scenario is more common than you might think: one of the two already knows people in the host country (former colleagues, childhood friends, professional contacts), and the other arrives in a network that is not theirs.

The risk: one integrates quickly through people they already know, the other ends up alone during outings because “they are not their friends” or because they do not speak the language as well.

Questions to anticipate:

  • Are we building a shared social life, or does each person have “their” friends?
  • How do we welcome the partner into pre-existing circles?
  • If one is introverted and the other extroverted, how do we find an acceptable rhythm?
  • What do we do if one wants to go out and the other does not?

There is no universal right answer, but you need to have had the conversation.

5. Plan B: What if It Does Not Work Out?

This is the conversation nobody wants to have before leaving, because it seems defeatist. Yet it is the most important one.

Scenarios to have anticipated:

  • If expatriation does not work for one of you, what do we do? Do we both return? Does one stay while the other goes back?
  • At what point do we decide that “it is not working”? After 6 months? 1 year? Based on what criteria?
  • If the relationship suffers from the expatriation, do we have resources (therapist, couples coach) accessible in our language abroad?
  • If one wants to stay and the other wants to return, how do we make this decision together without it being an ultimatum?

These questions are not invitations to pessimism. They are safety markers. A couple that has had these conversations before leaving is infinitely better equipped to weather difficult moments than one that assumed everything would be fine.

Expatriation as a couple is one of the richest experiences you can live together, if it is prepared honestly. It brings to light things you did not know about yourself and the other person. It creates unique memories and complicities. It strengthens, often profoundly, the bond.

But it requires a quality of communication that comfortable life in France may not have demanded. That is also how it is formative.

Talk about it beforehand. Truly. Not to look for reasons not to leave, but to leave with the best possible version of your shared project.